Dreams of Gold
by The Laughing Murderers
Summary: It has been years since Obi-wan's probabtion, but when his performance makes a drastic drop, his allegiance is questioned once more.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Dreams of Gold

Joint Authors: Wild horse and Padawan Nik-ka

Chapter Author: Padawan Nik-ka

POV: Obi-wan

Rating: PG-13

Summary: -: Obi-wan has always wanted to be a Jedi. For the past 15 years, he has worked at nothing else. But when pushed too far, would he persevere or give up?

Disclaimer: … Uncle Georgy Porgy! Are they for meeeeee? Oh thank you thank you! o_O okay. So Star Wars doesn't belong to me… but can I borrow please? Song lyrics don't belong to me either. 

Chapter 1:

Will I ever get to, to where it is that I've been going?

Will I ever follow through with what I, with what I have planned.

I guess it's possible that I have been a bit distracted

And the directions for me are a lot less in demand,

In demand.

            Snap! Obi-wan growled. This was the third pencil he grounded through the paper. The small black piece of lead dropped onto the floor there and lay there innocently, totally oblivious to the death glare directed its way. Obi-wan sighed and picked up another pencil, too tired to sharpen the abused one. The words blurred and overlapped before his eyes, forming jumbled scribbles and lines. Sleep… sleep… sleep…sleep…sleep…sleep…sleep…

            "Aaaaahhhhhhh! Shut up! Shut up! Go away! STAY away!"

            "…Padawan?"

            Obi-wan stiffened at the sound of his master's voice. Oops… Bad mistake Kenobi. How're you going to explain that you were conversing to yourself?  He'll think you're mad. Swallowing the lump that formed in his throat, Obi-wan turned around sheepishly. Master Qui-gon Jinn stood at his full height, towering over his seated apprentice. Brilliant blue eyes unreadable, but sharp - not to mention intimidating - looked expectantly towards his silent Padawan, eyebrow cocked in question. 

            "Urm… I was practising a play! Master Gallia wanted to extend our appreciation for the arts and wanted us to read this uh.. play! And so I was practicing and didn't notice you there."

            Qui-gon's eyebrows seemed to have disappeared into his hairline. Obi-wan gulped and smiled disarmingly (so he hoped), fingers crossed behind his back. "Try to pay more attention to your surroundings Padawan. I'll leave you to recite your uh… play. When you're done, meet me at training room 2 and we'll work on your katas. After that we'll end with the nightly meditations." He turned and walked out of the room. 

            "Shucks… I was hoping he'd forget…" Obi-wan sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time and turned back to face his assignment. Some interesting play isn't it, planetary development and housing systems? I wonder what that has to do with arts… And being a Jedi for that matter… Master Yin-yok always had a sadistic streak, making them handwrite each 1000-word essay, instead of using the usual datapad format. Apparently, she thought that it stimulated the brain…

            His left leg was cramping up… his nose itched…a suicide speeder just zoomed pass somewhere outside his window…he had left his socks under the bed again…they smelled funny…they even looked mouldy…

            "Ah! I give up!" Obi-wan sank further down into his chair, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Katas now… lovely katas…nice exertion of muscles (I hope they don't tear), tall endless jumps and falls, lovely blue mat to fall into, bars that attract the skull… 

            Scowling, Obi-wan dragged himself out of his quarters, pausing briefly to close the door, before proceeding to the lower levels. His left eye twitched slightly, an involuntary motion that started after he almost got his eye gouged out by a misplaced practice pole. Strangely, the twitching only happened when something bad was going to happen… Instantly suspicious, Obi-wan glanced around himself, peering for any trouble that might come his way… Bham! He bounced off a rather solid body, landing rather ungracefully on his rear. 

            "Padawan Kenobi?"

            "He-hello Master Windu. Sorry, I was distracted…"

            The dark man peered down at him rather disapprovingly, "You should remember to watch where you're going Padawan. This…distraction should not be overlooked."

            "Sorry Master. I'll pay more attention next time." Right you will. A Jedi, yet still banging into objects… Obi-wan mentally slapped himself. He seemed to be losing concentration…things he normally would have noticed seemed to find a way to slip by his consciousness and whack him in the back. Shaking vigorously, Obi-wan immediately regretted his decision as his head started pounding. Angry at himself, he stalked off towards the training rooms, resolution outlining his posture. He would be better, stronger. He has no other dream than to be a Jedi. And he would work towards it. 

I take a look around; it's evident the scene has changed.

And there are times when I fell improved, improved upon the past.

Then there are times when I can't seem to understand at all

And yes it seems as though I'm goin' nowhere...

Really fucking fast, nowhere fast.

            "You're late." That single statement caused Obi-wan to tense, suddenly afraid. He could barely suppress the faint shudder that ran through his body. 

            "I'm sorry Master, I banged into Master Windu and was held up for a while…"

            "Banged?"

            Obi-wan cringed and decided it was best not to clarify. It wasn't the first time he was caught for spacing out. Uh oh… 

            " *sigh* Obi-wan… you're a 16 year old Jedi. More alert behaviour would be appreciated. Try keeping your mind with you next time. I don't want to treat you like an Initiate, but you have to master the basics… Call this a little revision. After your katas, clear the room using non-physical means. I want the training room to be tidy. Hopefully that might expend your senses a bit."

            Ouch. Initiates? Obi-wan steeled himself and started his warm-up exercises, stretching and bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet. I really doubt clearing up the whole room using telekinesis is Initiate work.

            "Start when you feel like it please, Obi-wan. Proceed all the way to kata 15. I won't be teaching you anything new today."

            Nothing new. I wonder whether that's good news or bad. Obi-wan made his way to the mats, slowly gauging the pace he should start with. Firmly placing his palms at the edge of the mat, he swung his legs up, neatly balancing himself. 5, swing back, 4, swing front, 3, back, 2, front, 1… With a sharp twist of his palms, Obi-wan launched himself into the first kata, twisting, flipping, making endless acrobatic moves, with eyes shut in silent concentration. Rhythm was easily established and Obi-wan started to enjoy the wind whipping across his face as he let the moves wash over, routine so engraved into his mind that his body moved instinctively. 

Will I ever get to where I'm going?

If I do, will I know when I am there?

If the wind blew me in the right direction

Would I even care?

I would. 

            Kata 5. Bend, sweep, roll, jump spring. …kata 9. twist, duck, swing, leap…catch. Miss. Fall.

Will I ever get to where I'm going?

If I do, will I know when I am there?

If the wind blew me in the right direction

Would I even care?

I would, I would.

            Repeat. Twist, duck, swing, leap…catch. Miss. Fall. Repeat twist, duck, swing, leap…catch. Miss. Fall. Repeat fall…bang…ouch. Rubbing his sore hind, Obi-wan frowned to himself. This was unusual…He seldom made mistakes during katas…they seemed almost natural to him, his body - slim but compact - made it ideal for flexible moves. 

            "Concentrate, Obi-wan. It's all about concentrating. It has nothing to do with your body! It's all within the mind."

            All within the mind…within the mind…the mind…what mind? He could hear his ragged breathing, could feel the frustration building within him.  Why can't I do it?  I can't, can't.  Obi-wan shook the thought from his head - that wasn't how a Jedi should think - and tried again. 

Twist

Within the mind

Duck

Within the mind

Swing

Within the mind

Leap

Within the mind

Catch

…

Catch

…

Within the mind

*beep*

Within the mind

*beep beep beeeeeeeeep*

Within the mind

*beep beep beep beep beep beeeeeep*

…

Within the mind

…

Fall…

Fall..

Fall.

            "Hello? Yes… Now? Are you sure? Okay I'll be there….Obi-wan isn't required there? Okay. No it's okay….yeah I'm sure. Okay. No problem. Bye." Qui-gon clicked off and looked at his Padawan disapprovingly. "Obi-wan, you shouldn't get distracted so easily. Concentrate! It's all about concentration…. I have to attend a council meeting. We will continue the katas tomorrow, cleanup now, please. "

            The door swished shut.

            Obi-wan's shoulders slumped, but he nodded and sat down, eyes closed. Telekinesis time! Obi-wan growled. Lalalalalalalalalala.

            His head was pounding and he tried to ignore it as he widened his mental perspective of the room. Sluggishly, he moved each item back into its place, head throbbing so bad he could hardly hear his own thoughts. Gritting his teeth, he motioned desperately to move a pole back into the racks, it seemed hours before it even budged. Thump. Medicine ball. Thump Thump. Towels. Thump. Thump Thump Papers. Thump Thump. Practice sabres. Thump Thump Thump. First aid kit. Thump Thump Thum-

            The box shuddered in the air before dropping to the floor, contents strewn all over the floor. A medicine bottle rolled across the floor, before colliding into an unconscious body. Thump.

Will I ever get to where I'm going?

If I do, will I know when I am there?

If the wind blew me in the right direction

Would I even care?

I would

I would

I would

I would

I would

a/n: like it?  Then review!!!  Please?  :)  Next chapter coming up very soon.  Meanwhile, preview of next chapter:

Mace Windu's eyes narrowed, "I'm afraid that some of Obi-wan's teachers have reported that, of late, he has not been working as well in classes."

Qui-gon decided against nodding again, and frowned slightly.  "The teachers did not inform me."  That would clear the blame off Obi-wan, he figured.  And buy me time to figure out what is happening.  Obi-wan had better have a good reason for this, or else… 

"And you did not notice that your Padawan was acting strangely?" this coming from Adi Gallia.

"No, only sometimes.  It didn't strike me as particularly noteworthy," Qui-gon wanted to shoot her a murderous glare, but quickly decided against it.  Trust Adi to go straight to the point and drive it home right where it would hurt most.  

"Master Qui-gon, you must realise that it is the Council's responsibility to ensure that Padawan Learners are properly trained and guided, and are not straying away from the Jedi Teachings,"  Master Windu again.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Dreams of Gold 

Joint Authors: Padawan Nik-ka and Wild Horse

Chapter Author: wild horse

POV: Qui-gon

Summary: - 

Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas.  

A/N: as you can see, this is a joint fic.  So… Padawan Nik-ka will tell Obi's side of the story and Wild Horse (me!) will do Qui's

Chapter 2:

Qui-gon frowned as he walked to the Council Room.  Obi-wan seemed to have, well, lost focus.   It was probably just a lapse in concentration – perhaps the boy had other things on his mind.  Still, a Jedi must never lose focus.  It took only a nanosecond of inattention, to miss a crucial handhold, to fail to block a fatal bolt, to end up dead on the floor.  Qui-gon knew the importance of always being focused.  He had seen Jedi die when they had let down their guard for that small an amount of time.

_Focus, focus, focus.  _He was as hard with himself as he was with Obi-wan.  He couldn't afford not to be.  Not after Xanatos… 

The Jedi Master closed his eyes for a brief moment as the memory washed over him.  It had been his fault then.  His fault for overlooking every shortcoming Xanatos had.

_Focus!_  Qui-gon brought his wandering thoughts back from the past, back to the present.  Xanatos was dead, had been so for quite some time already.  Master Windu hadn't sounded too pleased when he had contacted him.  Something was afoot, Qui-gon sensed, though he couldn't tell what.

The door slid open, Qui-gon stepped in and bowed.  Master Windu acknowledged him with a slight, curt nod, then plunged straight into the matter, as was his usual style.

"The council has requested your presence today for several reasons…" Master Windu began.

Qui-gon immediately racked his brains furiously, trying to figure out if he had 'misinterpreted' any orders lately, as was often the case.  He couldn't think of anything, so he assumed it couldn't be about that.  Hoped it wasn't, actually, because the Council often gave long lectures about that sort of thing.  If Obi-wan thought his Master's lectures were bad, he evidently hadn't received one of the Council's.

"…Concerning your Padawan Learner, and an assignment."  Mace added somewhat reassuringly, as if reading Qui-gon's thoughts.  

It didn't reassure Qui-gon, if anything, it only made things worse.  He was more comfortable dealing with his own problems than with Obi-wan's.  He just nodded, hoping the Council hadn't picked up on his thoughts.

"Padawan Kenobi practically walked into me just a few hours ago," Master Windu said, rather disapprovingly.

Qui-gon nodded again, "So he told me.  You can be sure I had a talk with him about that." 

Mace Windu's eyes narrowed, "You are aware that this alone would not constitute strange behaviour, but I'm afraid that some of Obi-wan's teachers have reported that, of late, he has not been working as well in classes."

Qui-gon decided against nodding again, and frowned slightly.  "The teachers did not inform me."  That would clear the blame off Obi-wan, he figured.  _And buy me time to figure out what is happening.  Obi-wan had better have a good reason for this, or else… _

"And you did not notice that your Padawan was acting strangely?" this coming from Adi Gallia.

"No, only sometimes.  It didn't strike me as particularly noteworthy," Qui-gon wanted to shoot her a murderous glare, but quickly decided against it.  Trust Adi to go straight to the point and drive it home right where it would hurt most.  

"Master Qui-gon, you must realise that it is the Council's responsibility to ensure that Padawan Learners are properly trained and guided, and are not straying away from the Jedi Teachings,"  Master Windu again.

_Ouch.  _That one hurt, even though Mace had tried to put it as nicely as possible.  Qui-gon knew what was on their minds – Xanatos, whom he had blindly let fall.  He supposed they had a right to remind him about his failure.  Master Windu's remark hadn't required a reply, so Qui-gon didn't give it.

"I trust the Council does not need to remind you that several years ago, the Apprentice in question voluntarily left the Jedi Order…" Ki-Adi-Mundi started.

That was almost too much to take.  Qui-gon reined in his annoyance, replaced it with calm, then interrupted, trying to sound polite, "I have complete faith in my Apprentice's ability, as well as where his allegiance lies."

"Qui-gon, although Obi-wan's probation has long ended, we are still keeping a close eye on him.  Frankly, his recent behaviour is not up to standard, and is totally unacceptable.  There are some of us, in the Council, who think he may not still have the focus, commitment and determination to serve in the Jedi Order," Mace Windu delivered the ultimatum.  

"If Obi-wan is forced to leave the Jedi Order, then I will leave with him," Qui-gon stated unflinchingly.  He could almost hear the Council members give a resigned sigh.

Mace Windu eyed him cautiously for awhile, before saying, "The situation is still open to further evaluation.  Meanwhile, there is something else the Council would like to discuss with you.  We have lost contact for a week with a Jedi Master and her Padawan, sent out on an assignment a month ago.  The situation may be dangerous, and the Council has decided to send you out to re-establish contact and to find and bring them back to the Jedi Temple."

Qui-gon nodded, but just barely.  "And my Apprentice?"  he had picked up on the fact that Mace Windu had not mentioned Obi-wan.

Ki-Adi-Mundi answered for Master Windu, "Obi-wan will remain here."

The thought of retaliating against that crossed Qui-gon's mind, but he pushed it away.  The Council was already rather annoyed, better not to annoy them any more that he had to.  Besides, he didn't think he could change their decision on that.

"Very well," Qui-gon answered.  "When do I leave?"

"One hour from now.  The ship will be ready in the hangar," Ki-Adi-Mundi looked slightly surprised at Qui-gon's lack of retaliation.  "May the Force be with you."

Qui-gon bowed and left the room.

The first thing Qui-gon did was look for Obi-wan, to inform his Apprentice that he was going away and to tell him about what the Council had said.  He checked Obi-wan's quarters first, but couldn't find anyone.  Then, he checked the training rooms.

Still no one.

Obi-wan had probably run off somewhere, he figured.  Qui-gon reached out through Bond, searching for his Apprentice.  Obi-wan didn't seem to be in any trouble, and besides, Qui-gon knew he was going to be late if he waited any longer, so he walked off to his quarters, picked up his mission gear, and headed for the hangar.


End file.
